Well, yesterday was it. Yesterday was my last dose of Lovenox. Don't get me wrong -- I have almost 2 whole boxes of it sitting on my dresser. And oh, how I want to keep taking it. Oh, how it reassures me. But my 2 (well respected and highly recommended) doctors agree that 12 weeks is my cut-off. In fact, I believe that neither one ever thought I needed it. But rather, that peace of mind is worth a lot and it couldn't hurt.
And do you know what? The Lovenox is not what has been protecting our baby. God has been protecting our baby. The same God who brought us Emma without Lovenox. Without baby aspirin. Without a mega dose of folic acid. And likely without folic acid at all. God wanted us to have Emma. So He kept Emma safe. And He's been keeping this baby safe. And I believe that He still will. Even with no Lovenox.
But it is still so hard to have it sitting on my dresser. It is now 45 minutes past my "go time" to take it. And I haven't. And I won't.
Back in high school, a friend told me that when you see the rays of sun streaming through the clouds, it means God is protecting over you. She probably would never remember telling me that, but it's funny the few conversations you remember out of the thousands you have in high school.
And I have remembered that statement ever since. And quite honestly, I see sunbeams pouring through the clouds in moments when I need a reminder that God is watching out for me. Like on my way to the bumped-up-to-an-earlier-time-because-we-were-worried ultrasound a few weeks ago. Or like when I'm picking up the dry cleaning but I'm really, secretly worrying about the baby. Or like tonight, on our way home from Walmart on the night when I can't take any more Lovenox.
God is protecting over us.
Emma has a very sweet new Bible called The Jesus Storybook Bible. This is what we read tonight....
"Because God loves us with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love -- Heaven is breaking through! He is sending us a Light from Heaven to shine on us like the sun...to guide our feet into the way of peace."