When I posted Sam's name out here in the bloggy world, I wrote that I'd had that blue onesie with his name on it since August. Well, here goes...
About 2 years ago, the idea of another baby started to float around in our heads. But some pretty quick math can tell you that that plan was not God's plan. We began our journey with a pretty big (for me) road block -- I was allegedly newly found allergic to all of the pregnancy-safe antibiotics. What would I do if I got strep while I was pregnant? I'm no doctor, but it seemed there'd be no way to get rid of the strep and also keep the baby safe.
So I went in for allergy testing. I was so nervous as I left the allergist with a 10 day supply of amoxicillin and an epipen, just in case. For 10 days I took the medicine and for many of those days I worried. Was I itching? And for all of those days I was praying. A lot. Because I am quite good at fabricating symptoms, like itching. Not on purpose. (But I'm pretty sure I had meningitis in college, along with the bird flu and what's that thing you get from mosquitoes??) Anyway, every time I would get worried that maybe I was starting to itch (read: getting an allergic reaction to the amoxicillin) I would pray.
And this part that I am going to tell you, I am not even kidding. And I can't explain it. And it had never happened before.
But in the quietness of my worrisome heart, deep in prayer -- God spoke to me.
I always wondered how people knew that "God said..." or "I heard God", but I did. It wasn't out loud, my dog didn't hear it too, but I heard it. In my heart. Like no voice I've ever heard.
Seven simple words.
"Picture yourself pregnant. Picture him. Picture Sam."
And I'm 100% sure of it. And my worry -- my am I going to even get to try again worry -- vanished. I knew that I'd finish the 10 days of medicine. I knew we'd go on to have another baby. I knew it'd be okay. Because God said so. The God of all creation had spoken to me, and He'd said so.
I never dreamed how far those seven words would take me. I didn't know those seven words would carry me through a miscarriage. And then another. I didn't know they would see me through a round of testing with a very misleading and bad doctor, and then into the care of the best doctor I'd ever had. I didn't know they would have to get me through being diagnosed with MTHFR and being told that my own body was creating blood clots that were making me lose our babies.
So, back in August, about a month after my second miscarriage, I decided to take a step of faith. I knew in my heart that God would bring us a baby boy and that we would name him Sam. So I went online and ordered a baby blue onesie with "Sam" written on it. Oh, and when it came in the mail, how I ached for a baby to fill it. To wear it home from the hospital (though it is really quite big!). So I hung it up by my bed. And I saw it every day. And I prayed for Sam every day.
And now, I'm very much pregnant with a little boy. And we are naming him Sam. And all I can do is give all glory and praise to the God above who promised me this baby and put the words in my heart that I needed to hear. I know I've said it before, but I am so thankful.....
Luke 1:45 "And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."
Romans 4:19-21 "Without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his on body, now as good as dead since he was about 100 years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God he did not waiver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God has promised, He was also able to perform."
Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."