Sometimes I need to be reminded. Reminded that God has it all under control. Because sometimes, I forget.
I've been grumpy lately. Like almost wanting to complain about how (really quite) big I am. And how hot it is. And how I feel 9 months pregnant. But after losing 2 babies before we ever met, I promised to never complain. And to cherish and enjoy every second of being pregnant.
And today my grumpiness turned into that tears-behind-my-eyes feeling. And I didn't know why. I figured I was just tired. Because, let's face it, no matter how much I promise to enjoy it, I am in my 3rd trimester and that can be a tiring time. :)
But when my hubby told me we were going to go out to eat with his parents -- an event that I love! -- but I couldn't choose a single place to eat that sounded good and all I wanted to do was cry -- I realized something was up. So I stayed home. And watched several episodes of Say Yes to the Dress. :) Good therapy.
And when he and Emma got home the tears that once resided behind my eyes let loose. And turned into the let-me-excuse-myself-before-I-scare-my-child kind of tears.
Where was this coming from? Just hormones, really??
No, I found the root of my problem, amidst my tears.
Tomorrow I will be 7 months pregnant! Which means only 2 months until we'll meet our precious baby boy -- unless of course, he surprises us early!
And Monday will be the THIRTY WEEK mark. What amazing milestones. And I'm so thankful.
But, I'm also scared. I'm scared that something could go wrong between now and then. Because if he were born NOW, he'd be small and he'd have a fight on his hands, but he'd probably be okay. That's of course not what I want -- I want him to be born healthy, strong and full-term. But I can't help but have that feeling of, Oh if he were only born now, then I could see him. And he'd be here. Because, my body allegedly starved the two babies we lost. My body worked against me. And I can't wait til the moment when he is out.
But that's not how I want to be. Because I really do believe that God is forming this little baby inside of me. And He knows how many tiny little hairs Sam has on his head. And He knows what's going on inside of me and He can see baby Sam when I can't. And I still believe that God promised us a baby boy that we would name Sam.
But I'm only human and sometimes I forget. And I need to be reminded.
And tonight, as I put on a happy face just in time to read bedtime stories to Emma, I got my reminder. Because as we read her nightly Bible story, it was the story of Sarah and Abraham. And about how God promised her a baby, but she laughed because she thought she was too old. But the messenger of this news said, "Why is Sarah laughing? Anything is possible with God."
Why is Erica scared? Anything is possible with God.
Yes, I believe that. Anything is possible with God. I have living, breathing proof of that sleeping in the next room -- my healthy daughter, born without complication before we ever knew what MTHFR even was.
And as I sit here, 7 months pregnant with a healthy, growing, and kicking baby boy, I will rest in God's promises and go forward in my faith that He is taking care of this little boy.